i wish i could see you cry. not just a few tears, or anything like that. like REALLY cry, with all the passion and intensity that i like to imagine you have, somewhere inside. i want to know you minus the wise cracks and clever comebacks. maybe it's terrible to want to see you vulnerable, to see you stripped of the many layers you wear to hide your heart, to want to see you broken. but i want to see it, however sadistic it seems.
i wonder
would you hide your face from me? would you weep quietly or with violent shaking, or loud and unbridled with clenching of fists? would you fight me if i held you? or would you bury your face in my hair and let me press you close? how would your eyes look filled with tears? i imagine them as pools of moonlight. how would your eyes look once they'd emptied their rivers? i see them clear and bright, like the sky after heavy rains, after the clouds have passed.
not knowing how you cry, IF you cry, breaks my heart for you all the more on nights as dark as yours tonight. your thinly veiled heartache makes me curious. sad and curious.
i want to remember what it's like to see you feel.
it happened too long ago.
14 february 2009
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